Appreciative Respect: Living With a Grateful Heart

Many of us are quick to buy a pleasant greeting card or casually utter "I love you" before hanging up the phone, but true filial piety demands much more. Appreciative Respect is the active cultivation of a genuinely grateful heart toward your parents.

It is the understanding that actions speak far louder than words. If "I love you" only exists in your mouth or in occasional hallmark cards, it is an incomplete expression of love. Here is how to practice Appreciative Respect and deeply validate your parents' lifelong efforts.

Validating Their Unnoticed Roles

Being a parent is often a thankless job filled with invisible sacrifices. To go along with your caring actions, make it a habit to explicitly tell your parents how they influenced you positively.

Show them how well they inspired you by pointing out the specific traits you inherited from them. Did you learn your relentless work ethic from watching your father commute in the dark? Did you learn emotional resilience from your mother? The important roles of parents can frequently feel unnoticed. Verbally confirming that you recognize those specific traits, and actively applying them to your own life, will go a very long way in building their self-esteem.

Honoring Your Ultimate Role Models

Parents are the most significant source of guidance you will ever encounter. They are your very first relationship. They teach you real-world lessons, coping mechanisms, and survival skills that you could never learn from a textbook or from your friends. The greatest way to show your appreciation is to live your life as a breathing testament to their wisdom—proving to them and the world that they succeeded as role models.

The Enemy of Time

As adult children, finding enough time always seems to be the greatest enemy when it comes to honoring our parents. We go off to college in the blink of an eye, and our own ascending careers and young families begin to occupy every waking hour.

This separation makes the practice of Appreciative Respect vital. On a personal level, not being able to see your parents very often is a heavy cross to bear; however, this distance makes the remaining time you do share exponentially more valuable.

Make time for your parents. Answer their calls and intentionally arrange visits. One day, all the seemingly boring, "little" things you did with them—like sitting on the porch in silence or helping them navigate a new smartphone—will become your most beloved memories.

Writing a Tribute

Hold every moment you spend with your parents incredibly close to your heart, because the stark reality of life is that we never truly know when we will see them for the last time.

Do not wait for a funeral to write a tribute to your parents. Write it today. Take the time to pen a detailed, heartfelt letter outlining exactly why you are grateful for them. Let them read the tribute while they are still alive to feel the immense joy and pride of a job well done.